COWS AND POLITICAL SYSTEMS

What is this all about?
Republican, American style
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?

Democrat, American style
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Capitalism, American dream
You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.
SocialismYou have two cows.The government
takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how
to manage his cow.

Communism
You have two cows.The government seizes
both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive
and sour.

Bureaucracy, European Union style
You have two cows.Under the new farm program
the government pays you
not to milk one, milks the other, and then pours the
milk down the drain.
Political CorrectnessYou are "associated with"
(the concept of "ownership" is an
expression of the phallo-centric, war-mongering,
and chauvinistic past) two
differently-aged
(but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specified gender.

Feminism
You have two cows.They get married and
adopt a veal calf.
TotalitarianismYou have two cows.The
government takes them and denies
they ever existed.Milk is banned.

Counter Culture
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows,
man.
You got to have some of this
milk.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes.The government requires
you to take harmonica lessons.

Danish Municipality, Farum styleYou have two
cows.You sell one, lease it back
to yourself and takes out a loan on the second one.
You spin an announcement to
the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses.Your
popularity goes up.

Democracy, Florida style
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the
brown one best accidentally vote for the
black one.Some people vote for both.Some
people vote for neither.Some people
can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a
bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.

Californian styleYou have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.Only
five speak English.Most are illegals.Arnold
likes the ones with the big udders.

French style
You have two cows.You go on strike
because you want three cows.You go to
lunch and drink wine.Life is good.

Japanese style
You have two cows.You redesign them so
they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times
the milk.They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at
the top of their class at cow school.

German style
You have two cows.You engineer them so
they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks
of vacation per year.

Italian style
You have two cows but you don't know where
they are.While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman.You
break for lunch.Life is good.

Russian style
You have two cows.You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you
have five cows.You have some more vodka.
You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up
and takes over however
many cows you really have.

Indian style
You have two cows.You worship both of them.

Taliban style
You have all the cows in Afghanistan,
which are two.You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any
creature' private parts.You get
a $40 million grant from the US government
to find alternatives to
milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

Iraqi style
You have two cows.They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their
mooing.